Hello, It's Me
by spiritedarray
Summary: Life begins again after the hurt and the healing. Post-confession conversations and realisations. TaiChihaya
1. It's important to me

**A/N:** A tribute to one of my all-time favourite ships; the conversation I wish they'd had.

Inspired by the chorus of a '70s song, which speaks volumes to my little TaiChihaya heart.

* * *

 _It's important to me_

 _That you know you are free_

 _'Cause I'd never want to make you change_

 _For me_

* * *

 _I'm in love with you, Chihaya..._

 _I love your always short nails, your hair, your impossibly wide smile...I'm in love with you, and I have always been, ever since we were little._

Those words echoed in her head, as clear now as they were all those months ago. When he was still here. When he hadn't quit the club. When history and karuta held them together. And while the former couldn't be erased, the latter was out of the picture. He'd done the impossible.

He'd dragged the thing she loved most through the mud.

And she hated that the thing she loved most wasn't him.

She hated herself: for breaking him, for saying nothing but "sorry", for letting him walk away, for doing all of the above and only hurting both of them. The colour, the magic, the wonder of karuta was gone, and it was entirely her fault.

If only she could love him in the same manner, to the same extent, the way he deserved; everything would be solved. But she didn't, at least not now. There was only one thing she knew how to love, but even that had been tainted by her own psyche.

To be frank, she didn't exactly know what romantic love was. What it felt like, how it happened, whether it applied to her. Did she love Arata? She couldn't tell. She loved the _idea_ of him; she would always have a special place in her heart for the person who inspired her greatest passion. he was an idol, a role model, a God. But did she know him outside of karuta? She found that difficult to answer. Hell, he confessed to her _during_ a match, and followed it up with "Let's spend the rest of our lives together". How on Earth was she going to respond to _that_ , when a boy hadn't so much as asked her on a date in all her eighteen years? The love he had tried to express to her was attached to a memory of karuta, as most of her memories of him were. If that wasn't an accurate depiction of their relationship, she didn't know what was.

Her feelings towards Taichi were equally complex; he was her best friend since childhood, her shoulder to lean on, her greatest aid and supporter. They'd lost touch somewhere in the middle, but when they saw each other again for the first time in a few years, it was like they'd never been apart. It was easy with him; like breathing. He'd grown up so much, yet he still gave her the hope of a new beginning and a happy ending simultaneously with the founding of the karuta club. He had become so essential to her daily life that when he left, she decided that was the end of her happiness.

 _How could I have been so blind?_ It took their first kiss for her to finally process what he had been telling her all along. He loved her, and his lips said the same; they were soft and sweet, brushing with hers for the briefest moment before he stepped back, shaken with guilt and grief. She never wanted to see that look on his face again. The pain, the self-loathing, the crushing sadness that consumed him. So much of it that maybe even _she_ couldn't have mended him with those three words.

"Chihaya."

His voice. It was like a dream, one she'd had over and over again for the past few months; he'd come back to her, and rejoin the club, and push her to become the Queen. He would smile that warm, boyish smile of his and chuckle when she fell asleep on the tatami, and she would feel completely safe knowing that when she awoke, he'd be there, hair falling over his eyes and luxury chocolates in hand.

"Chihaya?"

That was odd. Dream Taichi rarely repeated himself.

She turned around.

There in the doorway stood a tall, slender figure with tousled strawberry brown locks and eyes like liquid gold. They were kind and healing, vastly different from how they were the last time she saw him.

"T-T-Taichi..."

He smiled. Her eyes widened at the realisation that he was indeed here, a physical and tangible person that he could touch and hug and punch for being away for so long.

"Cleaning out?"

She stared at him dumbly and could only manage a nod.

"Let me help you."

He took off his shoes and stepped inside, taking in the familiar smell of the tatami, the warm afternoon light that flooded in through the huge windows, the way it illuminated a dozen facets of her long, auburn hair. She was as beautiful as ever, although the look in her eyes was more faraway and forlorn than it was before.

She indicated the mess in the corner to him and he complied.

They shuffled and dusted and organised in silence. It wasn't like them at all; Chihaya always had something to say, but now nothing came to mind. Things would never be able to go back to the way they were before, and it scared her - if there was anything she could depend on Taichi for, it was the chance to be herself. To be crazy and outspoken and passionate, because he always seemed to put up with it...even enjoy it. But now, she no longer saw the childhood friend who teased her about her androgynous appearance; she saw the boy who she'd hurt beyond her own understanding, beyond her own capacity for regret. She couldn't begin to fathom how sorry she was, how desperately she wanted to repair things. She knew no matter what she said, it would be meaningless to him. Words can't change feelings unless they themselves have true feelings behind them. She knew better than that.

"Why are you here, Taichi?"

He was momentarily taken aback, unsure what to make of her question. It was _very_ like Chihaya to be so straightforward, but at the same time, she was notoriously incognizant. Either she had no intention of making small talk, or she was genuinely unable to read the situation and atmosphere. He turned and leaned against the wall, his eyes never leaving the floor.

"I wanted to see you."

"Why?"

He sighed. "Isn't that a good enough reason?"

"No," she choked, eyes prickling with tears. At this point she was kneeling on the mat, her hands in fists on top of her thighs. She gripped tighter as she felt her carefully checked emotions begin to unravel. "Taichi...you can't just _leave_ , and quit karuta, and appear months later out of the blue 'wanting to see me'. Do you really think I'll buy that, after everything I've put myself through? No, Taichi. I won't allow it."

His eyes connected with hers, and instantly months' worth of loneliness and apologies and heartache were shared. He could see his pain reflected in her eyes and vice versa. There was no bluffing in this game of poker.

"I wanted to see you...and tell you that I'm sorry." He knelt down in front of her on the tatami.

"You already s-said that l-last time, idiot..." she whispered, avoiding the intensity of his gaze. She felt her teeth grind together from the sheer weight of her sadness. Suddenly, she gripped his t-shirt with both hands, letting her head hang in utter loss. "You c-came to the match, and you told us you were sorry, and you l-left..."

"Chihaya..."

"I tried to find you, damn it!" she cried. "I w-wanted to ask why you came back. B-but now I want to know why you left."

He gently took her hands and unleashed them from his shirt, instead opting to hold them loosely between them. "I was a coward," he said. "I tried so hard to overcome that: the coward in me; the one that stole Arata's glasses; the one that didn't want to make a karuta club because I felt I could never surpass him." He used one of Chihaya's fists to wipe her eyes. "It turns out all I do is run these days."

"No," Chihaya hiccupped. "You didn't leave because you were a c-coward."

He looked at her, confused. "I didn't?"

"No. You l-left because you were brave."

"I don't understand..."

"I-I'm not talking about the match," she clarified, finally summoning the strength to look up and show him clearly what she meant. Now was not the time for miscommunication. "When you quit the club, it broke my heart. My first heartbreak, and not even in the conventional sense," she smiled halfheartedly. "It broke my heart because I thought you were quitting karuta altogether. Maybe at first you were running from it. But the real reason you left was rooted in something much deeper. I don't quite know what yet, but you left to find it. You left to find your purpose, your passion. This whole time, I'd been forcing you to ride on the coattails of mine. For that, I'm so sorry, Taichi. I can't begin to imagine what you endured. That's why, Taichi, you're the bravest of us all."

He let go of her hands and let his eyes drop to the floor. "Don't do this to me, Chihaya."

"Do what?"

"Stop blaming yourself...you're not the bad guy here, and I'm far from a hero. I'm sorry for telling you how I felt, then leaving the club. I'm sorry for making you feel as though my pain was your fault. I'm sorry...for stealing your first kiss."

Her eyes widened. "How did you know it was my first?"

"Chihaya," he almost snorted. "You only know two kinds of love...the love you have for your family and friends, and the love you have for karuta. I'll be damned if you knew how romance even worked."

"Well, I'm not sorry."

"Huh?"

"I'm not sorry about the kiss. I know why you did it, and I wouldn't change it at all. To receive my first kiss from someone who truly cares about me...isn't that every girl's dream?"

Taichi didn't know how to feel. On the one hand, she had essentially given him a get-out-of-jail-free card. She had freed him from the shackles of guilt that had stopped him from coming to see her sooner. _She didn't regret it. She wouldn't have changed it at all._

And yet, it seemed as though she would have been just as happy if anyone who cared about her had done the same thing. Like Arata, for example.

"So if Arata had kissed you without warning, you wouldn't have minded either?"

She looked away. "That's not fair, Taichi."

"Life isn't fair, Chihaya," he snapped, his eyes defiant, yet empty. "I thought I was lucky. I thought I had it all. I always had top grades, I was good at sport, there were girls who gave me Valentine's chocolate every year. But none of it mattered, so long as you were looking elsewhere. Of _all_ people, of _all_ girls I've ever met, I had to be hopelessly in love with _you_ , Chihaya, the one I could never have."

"Taichi, you know I'll always love you..."

"Don't," he said, fighting back tears. "Don't say those words, when you don't even know what they mean."

"You're my best friend, Taichi."

He smiled sadly at her. "I wish that was enough." He stood up and walked towards the open door.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm late for practice," he replied, stepping outside. "Next time, we'll meet in a match."

Her eyes widened as she registered what he was implying.

As he grew smaller in the distance, she ran to the door and called out to him. "I knew it, Taichi! I knew you could never give up on karuta!"

He continued walking.

" _Never_ ," she repeated loudly. "That word doesn't apply to us, Taichi."

He stopped dead in his tracks and turned to face her. "What does that mean?"

"I don't need to explain it," she beamed at him with the same mouth that opened so impossibly wide. "You know what I mean, Taichi."

And somehow, he was filled with hope again.


	2. That you know you are free

**A/N:** Sorry it's been such a long wait for this second chapter - I've been ruminating over how best to write the follow-up after the first one, which ended on a pretty inconclusive note. After turning over a few ideas in my head, this is the result, and I finally sat down and just typed it all out. I hope you enjoy!

N.B. This won't be the last chapter, I plan on writing at least two more. And it won't be my last TaiChihaya fic, so look forward to all that's to come! I promise to try and update more frequently.

 **Disclaimer:** I do not own _Chihayafuru._

* * *

 _It's important to me_

 _That you know you are free_

 _'Cause I'd never want to make you change_

 _For me_

* * *

She spotted him.

Across the room, his strawberry brown locks were unmistakable; they were softly moving in the breeze that filtered through the open window. Even though their was constant chatter amongst those present in anticipation of the tournament ahead, she somehow singled out his voice above the rest.

"Well, I'm not sure about that," she heard him chuckle to his companions. "But I'll give it my best shot."

He was _laughing_. Smiling. She hadn't seen him look this happy in months. Suddenly he seemed so light; as if he'd stumbled upon some inherent strength, and now he was borderline unbreakable. The Taichi she knew, the Taichi who'd walked away from her and the club, seemed to struggle under his burdens for so long, but now...no, this wasn't "the old Taichi", either. This was an entirely new person who had come today, ready to lay his eyes on the prize - and he would settle for nothing less.

She inhaled deeply. _Do it, Chihaya._

"Hey, it's Mashima! Let's go talk to him before the matches begin!"

"Wait," Kanade halted the rest of the Mizusawa Karuta Club. "Let Chihaya-chan speak to him alone. We can always say 'hi' after the tournament, right?"

She made her way through the crowded room and tapped him on the shoulder. He spun around, and rather than his eyes widening in surprise as Chihaya may have expected them to, they softened as they recognised her. "Chihaya."

"Taichi!" she grinned, and before she knew it, her eyes were prickling with tears at seeing him so... _comfortable_ around her.

"Woah, woah, don't cry!" he said hurriedly, chuckling a little. "It's good to see you, too."

That triggered the waterworks. Suddenly she was welling up, and she had no idea why she was so overwhelmed by it all.

"Chihaya," he muttered, then took a fistful of his t-shirt and extended it towards her. "Here."

She realised what he was doing, and suddenly it all came back to her; the day when Taichi made Class A, and she couldn't contain her happiness. He let her wipe her eyes with his tee, and though he insisted it was no big deal at the time, it meant _everything_ to her. The boy who had stood beside her through it all, who continued to do his best for her, finally received the recognition he deserved.

Reading her mind, he murmured, "That title...it wasn't the recognition I wanted, Chihaya, and you know it."

She released the fabric of his shirt and sniffed. "But it means you're here now. And I'm going to win all of my matches until I get to play karuta with you again, Taichi." She flashed that unbelievably wide smile that he loved and prepared to return to her team. "So you'd better win all of yours, too."

With that, she disappeared back into the flurry of competitors and spectators. He gazed after her, a smile of contentment upon his face.

* * *

It was happening.

They were face-to-face, in a fateful showdown of the game that had brought them together. Seeing her eyes so intently focused on the cards, in particular the one that was her namesake, evoked the memory of their first match back in elementary school, when Chihaya had stepped in on Arata's behalf. She had battled her way to a shock victory that left him speechless; from that day forward, he knew she would never give up on karuta. He also knew she would never give up on Arata, so he kept playing all these years to convince himself that he wasn't a coward - that he could vie for a place in her heart, a real one.

Chihaya dipped her head slightly. "Good luck," she whispered.

"Good luck."

* * *

He'd done it.

All his training with Meijin Suou had finally paid off; all the pain he had endured through his life, knowing that whatever he did, however hard he had tried, he would always come in second place...it was all void. Swiping the last card out of Chihaya's reach had suddenly freed him from the past. He could breathe again. He could start anew. He could look her in the eyes and genuinely tell her that he wanted her to be happy, that there were no hard feelings. These last few months of solitude and healing had culminated in this moment: winning this match, against the girl he'd always loved, no less.

"Thank you for the match." He bowed towards her.

"Thank you for the match." She reciprocated the action.

"Thank you for the match," they said in unison towards the reader.

With that, they both stood up. Before he could even turn to celebrate with his teammates, Chihaya burst towards Taichi and enveloped him in a crushing hug.

"Congratulations," she cried, her eyes glistening with tears. He could feel her shake with emotion as she wept against his chest. Tentatively, he put his arms around her and held her to him.

"Chihaya," he chuckled. "Don't make me offer up my t-shirt again."

"Too late," she sniffed, still clinging to him. "It's already damp."

He sighed and let her continue releasing the waterworks.

"Congratulations," she breathed.

"You already said that, Chihaya."

"I know, but..."

She hesitated a little at first, then slowly pressed her lips to his. It took him by surprise; never did he expect her to initiate such a bold display of affection towards anyone, never mind in front of friends and strangers. This was Chihaya...the girl who gazed at the world in wonder, believing no one could ever hurt her, who was oblivious to her effect on everyone else because she was so invested in her love for the game. So _why_ is she kissing him?

When they parted, he mumbled, "What was that for?"

"That was your prize, for winning the match."

"Chihaya..." he pulled away, peeling her off of him. "I don't need you to feel sorry for me anymore."

"It's not like that," she insisted, upset that he had relinquished her from his embrace. "I've been wanting to try that since the last time I saw you."

"Which was...?"

"Just before the match."

"Oh," he murmured, mistaking 'last time' for when he'd helped her clean the club room in the spring. "What came over you?"

"I don't think it 'came over me'," she explained. "I think it's been burning slowly for a long time...I just didn't really know what it was, or I refused to acknowledge it, or something along those lines. Like I said before, you're my best friend, Taichi. My mind wouldn't let me think of you in any other way, for fear you'd disappear again. I didn't want to take that risk. We'd reunited by chance in high school, and then you said all those things, and you ran after I couldn't make up my mind there and then. And it hurt us both."

"But what changed?"

"You did," she replied. "You're so much happier, I can see it. All it took was some time away and an occasion like this for you to learn to love karuta again...but more importantly, you learnt to love yourself, Taichi." Then she added, "You learnt to love yourself as much as everyone else loves you."

She still couldn't say it directly. And she'd be a fool not to notice that.

Still, he appreciated the intention, even if the sentiment was a little off-key.

"Chihaya, you know how I feel about you," he said sternly. "So don't do things like that."

"Like what?"

"Kiss me out of nowhere, when you know it means much more to me than it does to you." He sighed. "This is like our last meeting all over again."

"That's not true!"

"Maybe it is, maybe it isn't," he considered. "Either way, I don't want you to feel obligated to do anything. It won't make me happy, and it won't make me unhappy. I'm past that, Chihaya. It's more important to me that your live your life by your choices alone, rather than the love you may or may not have for me."

"Taichi, you know..."

"I believe you," he nodded. "It's about whether you believe yourself." He turned to leave. "When you're sure that these feelings are your own, not ones that you're forcing yourself to have for my sake, maybe then the timing will be right."

Suddenly he was bombarded by the rest of his team, cheering and hooting over his victory. Chihaya stared at his back, knowing full well he was vocalising an unspoken truth. He saw her for who she was; that was one of her favourite things about him. She loved him _now_ , but would she love him in the future when the consequences of his confession all those months ago no longer loomed over them? Would her love sink into her subconscious and become a part of who she was, rather than the continued result of trying to make amends?

Only time would tell.


	3. Cause I'd never want to make you change

**A/N:** I have been thinking about this chapter for a _long_ time, since I finished the last one all that time ago. But I found myself at a total loss for what was to come next - writing romance for a series that has continued to leave everyone guessing is pretty damn difficult. Then the manga made its brief but oh-so-necessary return, and so I decided to just sit down and write this before the inspiration left my head again. Enjoy!

 **Disclaimer:** I do not own _Chihayafuru_.

* * *

 _It's important to me_

 _That you know you are free_

 _'Cause I'd never want to make you change_

 _For me_

* * *

Taichi yawned as he completed his last page of notes. His clock showed him that it was already half-past eleven, so calling it a night, he closed his notebook and turned off the lights, opting to lie on his bed in the darkness for a little while. He was a creature of habit, growing accustomed to showering early and then studying until the stars were in the sky and the sound of traffic drifted by once every half-an-hour or so. Usually, he'd fall asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow, but tonight was an exception; the ceiling seemed more suffocating than usual, as if by staring at it, it would come lower and closer until it pressed down on his chest and crushed him. He closed his eyes in a bid to stop his mind from torturing him in this way, to no avail. Sure, he would escape the clutches of his domineering mother once he left for university, but university in itself only meant more work and more pressure. If there were any time for him to see the colour in life again, it was now.

He sighed, knowing full well that his ultimate internal conflict wasn't set to end anytime soon: was karuta truly important to him? Or was it Chihaya that made it important? The world went dark after the confession and the kiss...but perhaps that was less to do with her response, and more so about his own inferiority complex. Karuta had given him some of the most precious memories in his life, but it had also reminded him that there would always be someone better, someone more worthy...whether that was of a title, or of a certain someone. Moreover, the incredible pressure he felt to perform in both karuta and academia had taken its toll, and he knew that his departure from the club was necessary so that he could reevaluate his priorities - then maybe one day, he could face Chihaya again, on equal ground both competitively and emotionally.

He believed he'd done just that at their last match. Somehow, by some stroke of luck - no, that wasn't it, he was notoriously unlucky - he had swiped the winning card out of her reach, as if it were justice for that first match they'd played against each other as children. But the circumstances were different now; they were both Class A players, both determined to prove something, both very aware of how significantly they had matured. She was no longer the flippant tomboy, and he was no longer the cocky brat. Slowly, they had come to respect each other, and were becoming more sensitive and considerate of each other's feelings. That said, their minds had never quite aligned, leaving Taichi to ruminate over whether he'd missed something, or lacked effort, or inadvertently pushed Chihaya away and denied himself of her. God, it frustrated him how she'd wormed her way so deeply into his life again. Then again, he was probably just kidding himself in middle school. It was all a waste of time without her bothering him with karuta.

As he turned over the thought in his mind, something suddenly illuminated the darkness that enshrouded him. He rolled his head over to the right and saw his phone screen lit up with a new message on the nightstand.

 _Who's texting me at this hour?_ he wondered irritably to himself, reaching for the device. He sat up as soon as he saw who it was from.

 _Chihaya_.

* * *

C: Meet me at the park by your house in 15.

* * *

T: Are you crazy? It's already past midnight!

* * *

C: Just come, will you? I really need your help, Taichi.

* * *

T: My mom's gonna kill me, you know.

* * *

C: We did it before, we can do it again.

* * *

T: Fine. This better be important.

* * *

"Chihaya."

He spotted her sitting on the very bench where the rest of the Mizusawa Karuta Club had gathered around one night, as an impromptu birthday surprise for Chihaya. When they had first bonded as a group, shared cake and laughs, risked the wrath of his mother for some time to show their captain how much they cared about her.

Without warning, she leapt into his arms and gripped the back of his jacket with a ferocious intensity, and the scene was eerily familiar; casting his mind back, Taichi remembered the moment Chihaya made Class A and begged him to start a karuta club with her at Mizusawa. She had been deadly serious, and he was sure that this time was no different.

"I need your help," she said, her voice shaky with fear and sadness. "Please help me, Taichi!"

"Slow down, Chihaya," he muttered, unsure what to do with his hands, much like the first time. He cautiously placed them on her shoulders, attempting to steady her enough so she could look at him. "You're gonna have to tell me what it is, first."

She sniffed and pulled her face back from his chest. "I need you to help me study for the university entrance exams."

He stared at her for a moment, then nearly choked trying to hold back his laughter. A chuckle escaped his throat. " _That's_ what this midnight call was about? It couldn't have waited until tomorrow?"

"I couldn't sleep," Chihaya rebutted. "It's been plaguing me for days."

He sighed. "Sit."

They moved to take their respective places across from each other on the bench.

"I've got my own studies to think about. That's why I quit the karuta club."

"I know, but-"

"Karuta is your life, isn't it, Chihaya? Why should some entrance exams matter so much to you that you're calling me out in the middle of the night to plead for tutoring?"

"I have to prove myself!" she cried indignantly. "You heard my sister, she said it was impossible for me to balance both karuta and studying. And my mom...it makes her anxious. Knowing that my future is so uncertain. I can't afford to fail...literally. I can't, Taichi. I've gotta pass these exams!"

"Chihaya...if you think your mom's anxious, think about mine," he muttered. "I'm already sneaking out for you, and I can't keep doing this. I've gotta focus and take care of myself. You, Chihaya...you're a free spirit. You do as you please, regardless of what other people say to you. And it's frustrating as hell, sometimes, but I wouldn't change it at all. Sure, you're not really suited for studying, but you're going to become the Queen one day. And when you do, none of this will matter."

"Why can't I be like you, Taichi?" she said sadly, allowing her fringe to fall over her eyes so he wouldn't see the tears fall from them. But he of all people knew when Chihaya was crying and when she wasn't. "You're so good at _everything_ , and everyone likes you, and you have everything sorted out."

"Chihaya," he said sternly. "If you think I have everything sorted out, you're sorely mistaken. I have no clue what I'm doing either, but I'm working hard now so that maybe I'll find out. I'm okay at most things, but I'm not spectacular at anything. That's why university is important for me. But you're amazing at karuta. You have what it takes to be the best female player in the world, and the person you are now will get you there. If you change yourself, you won't be able to do it. You _have_ choices, Chihaya. I already know which one you're going to make."

"I want _more_ choices!" she retorted. "I don't just want to get into any old university. I want to get into a good one, one that you might even go to."

"Be realistic, Chihaya..."

"I am! My grades aren't great, but you're the smartest person in our year. If you tutor me, I could do it. And I _have_ to do it. Because what happens when you go to a good university, and I'm stuck here? When will we see each other?" her voice cracked. "We can't let it be like middle school, again, Taichi. Losing touch with you and Arata was the worst thing that's ever happened to me. And you...we've been together for the longest time. All the big moments, the happy, the terrible, you've been with me. I can't imagine not seeing you, not being _able_ to see you because you're in a different part of the country. You're the only thing that's ever been consistent in my life...when you quit karuta, I realised we may not always be playing together. If you go away..." she cried into her sleeve. "...I don't know what I'll do."

"Chihaya," he sighed, walking around to her side of the bench and sliding in next to her. "So long as we have karuta, we'll be together, won't we?"

She looked at him in disbelief as she heard him repeat the promise they'd made with Arata from their childhood. She smiled and let her head fall into his shoulder, still crying, but for a different reason.

Taichi tentatively placed an arm around her and held her close. "I'll tutor you," he said softly. But only because I want you to give your family peace of mind. You can't waste time at university if you want to become Queen."

She pressed her face into him. "Thanks for always supporting me, Taichi," she whispered.

He smiled to himself. "You're getting my shirt damp again, you idiot."


	4. For me

**A/N:** The end is nigh. I originally planned to finish the story in this chapter, but I felt like the conclusion needed a chapter of its own, so there will be one more after this. I hope you enjoy, and, as always, reviews are much appreciated!

Also, Merry Christmas! It was about time I finished this (might be terrible/make no sense, this is why you shouldn't leave such big gaps between updates...). S/o to myloyaltiesliewithhp, this is for you *hugs*

 **Disclaimer:** I do not own _Chihayafuru_.

* * *

 _It's important to me_

 _That you know you are free_

 _'Cause I'd never want to make you change_

 _For me_

* * *

"Knock knock."

He sighed as he stood in the doorway, immediately spotting Chihaya's figure slumped over her desk. _All this studying is wearing that idiot out._

He went to perch on the edge of the adjacent bed, leaning an elbow on the table as he examined her face. She was passed out on an open textbook, a sliver of drool hanging from the corner of her mouth in the most unladylike fashion. Then again, Chihaya had always been the furthest thing from ladylike, whether it was her boyish haircut when they were children, or that time she wore tracksuits underneath her skirt to hang up a karuta club poster. He'd commented at the time that she probably wasn't very popular with the boys. But she didn't want to be, and in truth, he didn't want her to be either; it was selfish of him, to want her for himself after all this time, but he had never met someone so carefree, so passionate, so painfully unaware of her effect on other people. Chihaya lived only for herself, and while that aggravated him to no end, he loved her all the more for it.

"Oi. _Karuta baka_." He poked her ear.

"Ow!" she exclaimed, snapping upright. "Taichi, you're so mean!" She proceeded to punch him playfully on the chest until he caught her wrists, leaving her to struggle in his grip. "You don't play fair."

"Never said I did." He released her and she let her chin drop to the tabletop in exhaustion.

"My brain feels like it's about to explode. How do you keep all that information in there, Taichi?"

He chuckled. "Unlike you, I don't have a one-track mind. I can concentrate on things other than karuta."

"But you haven't stopped playing!" she complained. "You're doing both at the same time!"

"I _did_ stop playing, Chihaya. I quit the club, remember?"

"But then you trained with Meijin Suo! And you beat me in that competition! I don't get you at all."

He rolled his eyes. "I actually came here to talk to you about all that. I stopped training a short while back, and I won't be tutoring you anymore."

"What? _Why_?!" She grabbed Taichi's shoulders in confusion. "Exams are only a few weeks away! We're almost there!"

"Exactly, Chihaya. I need to focus. I've already spent a lot of time helping you study these last few months. Now I should start thinking about myself." He took her hands from around his shoulders and let them go. "My mom was already pretty mad at me for going to your house so often. She's put a ban on all activities besides studying until exams are over." He remembered her words clearly:

 _"Why are you over there all the time? Don't you care at all about your future?"_

 _"Of course I do, and so does she! That's why I'm helping her!"_

 _"I don't see why_ you're _responsible for her. She's not your girlfriend, is she?"_

 _"No," he said defiantly, though her words stung somehow. "But you know as well as I do, Chihaya's always been like this! She's terrible in school. As her friend, I want to look out for her."_

 _"You're adults now, she can look after herself!" his mother snapped back at him. "I forbid you to see her or leave this house unless it's for school until you've finished all your exams. For goodness' sake, don't throw away a chance at a good university for a girl."_

He sighed. "I had to tell her I was going to the library in order to come here."

Chihaya looked terrified. _There's no convincing Mrs Pressure, is there?_ "I'm sorry."

"Don't be. That's just how she is." He stood up and ruffled her hair. "You'll be fine, Chihaya. You've improved a lot since you put your mind to it. Just think of it like karuta - with a lot of practice and concentration, comes the greatest success."

She smiled. "You always know what to say, Taichi."

"Just don't push yourself too hard. We wouldn't want your brain _actually_ exploding, now, would we?" He wandered towards the door.

Suddenly he felt a pair of strong arms encircle his waist from behind. He turned in her embrace, noticing that her eyes were shut tightly. "Come on, Chihaya, I'm not dying. You'll see me in school, and after exams."

"What about Christmas?" she cried. "Let's celebrate together, Taichi!"

"I have to stay at home, Chihaya," he muttered. "You should have fun with the club. They can't celebrate without their captain, can they?"

She sniffed and stepped back. "You're right. Thanks for everything, Taichi. I hope I do you proud when the exams come around!"

"I know you will." He smiled warmly and left.

* * *

C: I forgot to say...good luck! Do your best!

* * *

T: You, too. Work hard, _karuta baka_.

* * *

He had been slaving over his books when a faint tapping noise was heard against the window. At first, he imagined it to be nothing more than some hail or heavy wind, but when it persisted and became almost rhythmic, he figured someone was trying to get his attention.

 _There better not be kids throwing snowballs at my window_ , he thought irritably.

He brushed the curtain aside, only to be greeted with a pair of sparkling chestnut eyes and a familiar grin. He unlatched the window and stared at her in disbelief.

"Are you crazy? How the hell did you get up here?"

"I had some help," she giggled as Taichi peered further out of the window, noticing the rest of the karuta club, or most of it at least, standing in front of his porch. He wouldn't put it past Chihaya to rope in her unfortunate friends and insist that they boost her up onto the roof, when they could've just texted him.

"Merry Christmas, Mashima!" Nishida called.

"Shhh!" he hushed them. "My mom will hear you!"

"Oops!" Nishida whispered, clapping a hand to his mouth. _That woman is scary_.

"What are they doing here?" he hissed to Chihaya.

"We all thought Christmas wasn't the same without Mr President," she explained.

"I'm not the president anymore, Chihaya," he muttered. "Listen, it's really thoughtful, but you'll all catch a cold if you're not careful..."

"Don't be such a party pooper!" she moaned. "Now hurry up and come out. I don't care what excuse you have to give your mom."

 _She doesn't understand anything at all, does she?_ he sighed internally. "Fine. Just get down from there before you break the roof of my porch. And tell them to hide around the corner in case my mom comes by the door." He shut the window and drew the curtain once more.

* * *

"I'm going to return a library book. I'll be back soon."

"On Christmas?"

"Yeah, it's open today."

"Don't be too long. Make sure you bring a coat and umbrella, it's cold today."

"I know. See you later."

"Be safe!"

* * *

"That was quick," Tsutomu commented.

"Yeah, how did Mrs Pressure let you out so easily?" Chihaya wondered.

"Guess she was feeling generous," Taichi shrugged. "It's Christmas, after all. Where are the first years?"

"They're all busy, either with friends or family," Akihiro explained. "Kids these days!"

"You're only a year older than them," Kanade rolled her eyes. "Now, let's go have fun!"

As the group set out, she shot the other members a look which told them to fall back so that Taichi and Chihaya were inadvertently in front. Unfortunately, the two people in question seemed entirely oblivious to her matchmaking efforts, so more desperate measures had to be taken.

"Oops!" Kanade exclaimed as she fell forwards, knocking Taichi into Chihaya. _Bullseye_ , she thought to herself. "I'm so sorry, Prez!" she said quickly, righting herself. "The path's more slippery than I thought."

"I-it's okay," he stuttered absently, realising his chest was pressed against Chihaya's as he caught her in his arms. His eyes couldn't break away from hers, even as the rest of the club were chuckling at Kanade's apparent clumsiness.

"Taichi-senpai, are you alright?" Sumire bleated, to no avail. He was still absorbing the shock of what had just happened.

"Y-yes," he finally said, after a considerable pause. He released Chihaya and dropped his gaze, attempting to hide his flushed cheeks from view. "L-let's go."

"You don't even know where we're going, Prez-"

"I'm not the president, anymore!" Taichi hissed. "That's Nishida-kun's job now." Everyone fell silent for a moment, before Taichi coughed and continued walking. "Sorry. I don't know what came over me. So, what's the plan for tonight?"

* * *

Chihaya and Taichi sat awkwardly next to each other in the karaoke booth, steered towards each other by the ever-supportive Kanade. Both avoided eye contact, Taichi allowing his tousled hair to fall over his eyes so he wouldn't have to stare at anything in particular. Chihaya's nervous heart never rested easy in her chest; only beating faster and louder whenever she stole a glance in his direction, thus she resigned herself to fixating on the lyric screen for fear someone would hear her inner disquietude, or in case the aforementioned organ exploded altogether. How had this anxiety crept up on her? In the decade or so that they'd known each other, she'd never experienced a tension like this between them. She noticed something different about the dynamic when he'd invited her into his room that one time, but this was on an entirely new level.

"Ayase, you're unusually quiet," Nishida commented amidst the ruckus of karaoke. "I thought you'd be jumping at the chance to belt your favourite song!"

"Ayase-san, take the mic!"

"Go for it!"

"Mashima, you too!"

"Chihaya-chan, you and Prez should do a duet-"

"I'm not the president!" Taichi interjected coldly. "Excuse me." He stood up and shuffled out of the booth, turning to leave.

"Taichi, where are you going?" Chihaya called desperately. It was the first time she'd spoken to him since he'd fallen into her.

"Home." With that, he abruptly left.

* * *

"Taichi!"

 _Of course_. If there was one thing he knew about Chihaya, it was that she never knew when to give up.

His steps came to a halt. She was panting a few metres behind him, clutching her knees as she tried to catch her breath. "Don't leave me," she pleaded.

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Tonight...it felt like we were closer together and further apart at the same time. Being that close to you, in a different way from when we were kids...it scares me. Because I don't know if I'm smart enough to get into one of the top universities, so you'll be gone, and it will hurt more when you're not around."

"Chihaya," he said sternly, turning to face her. "Do you know why I was so upset this evening?"

"Because Kana-chan called you 'Prez'?"

"No," he shook his head vehemently. "Well, yes. That, too. Everyone's stuck in the past...and you, you act differently around me, now. That's not what I want, Chihaya. You don't have to be so on-edge. I guess you could argue it was my fault for even letting you in on my feelings in the first place, but I don't want to go back. I want to move _forward_. I said to myself I wouldn't run away again, and that's why I'm still here." He exhaled slowly. "I'm still here. Still in love with you."

"Taichi-"

"And it hurts, Chihaya. Loving you hurts, because all you see is _him_. Even when you think about being with me, he crosses your mind. He plays some part, however insignificant, in your decision. But I can't wait around forever, Chihaya. I can't go through this last year of high school, pretending everything is like how it was before, and let my feelings get thrown to the wayside. Ever since elementary school, you've had a dream. I need to go find mine."

"I'll come with you."

"Chihaya, I don't need-" He stopped in his tracks. "Wait, what?"

"Wherever you go, whatever you do...I want to be there with you."

He stared dumbly at her. "Chihaya," he began slowly, lowly. "Did you not understand _anything_ I've said to you as of late?"

Silence.

He grabbed her shoulders, forcing her to look at him. "Don't," he said quietly. "Don't twist your dreams, your _life_ , to cater to mine. I have a lot of things to figure out, and so do you. Helping you study was a courtesy, because I wanted to see if you could really pull your mind away from karuta for even a second. If you could find something else that inspired you or motivated you. But I don't want you to follow me because you think that's what I want, or what _you_ want. Like I said before, you need to live by your own choices. Go to university, don't go to university. It makes no difference to me. Your first dream was given to you by your sister; your second dream was introduced to you by Arata. But until you're confident in your own decisions, grounded in your own beliefs and integrity, I don't want my feelings to interfere or influence you in any way. You're not like me, Chihaya. You've always had guts. You'll rule the karuta world and make all the old men fall to their knees. I'm only just breaking away from my mom's iron grip."

"I want you to be happy, Taichi," she whispered. "I want to be Queen, and I want to be with you, always. Those are the only two dreams I have."

"And where does Arata fit into all of this?"

"He's my past," she smiled through the tears that were pooling in her doe eyes. "He was very important to me, then. But you've been important to me my whole life, as has karuta. You're both my present, and if my dreams come true, then my future, too. Like you said, I can't stay stuck in the past, can I?"

"And if he comes back? You'll meet him time and time again in future tournaments."

"Then I'll be happy to see him," she answered in step. "Karuta has that power of bringing people together, you know? But it's different with you, Taichi. We shouldn't be apart in the first place. It's happened before, and if it were up to me, I wouldn't let it happen again."

"That's my point, Chihaya. It _is_ up to you. You have so much more choice than you think. The world is yours if you want it." He drew away from her and gravitated towards his own house.

"The _world_?" she raised an eyebrow. _What does he_ mean _by that? What does that_ include _?_

"Mm."


End file.
